Stephan Becker
May 2007
YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:
You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume"
You call a traffic light a "robot"
The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are
The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished watching
You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather
You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any
You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them
You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Madela
You go to "braais" (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors (long meaty sausage-type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously
You know that there's nothing to do in the Free State
You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer
You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers
To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
Hijacking cars is a profession
You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election
"Now now" can mean anything from a minute to a month
You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway
You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it
A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes
The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
You paint your car's registration on the roof
You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one
Prisoners go on strike
You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car
You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once
Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high
When 2 Afrikaans TV programmes are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans program, and a Zulu ad
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA