Spy Dude
January 2006
Ok nuff politics, its depressing enough that there was zero swell this weekend and i only got one dive in and no energy pulses to ride. Now its monday morning, its hot, no air conditioning and i am at a job i hate...hahhaha little over dramatic but you get the drift.
Ok Lance B you sound old enough to remeber this guy and for those kids who dont, its about time you learnt about the crew who came before the heroic Walker texas ranger, namly the A-Team. Their lead character was BA Baracas, played by non other than M T. Just to let you know.. he does Pity you fool!
Mr T
•Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words “Right behind you" written on it.
•23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence
•Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
•Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a porn star regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
•Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
•The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
•When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
•During one of his frequent time-travelling adventures, Mr. T was accosted by a horde of frenzied Olde Englishmen who believed he was "Mr. Tea" and that he was going to supply them with all the tea and crumpets they could possibly desire. With a single blow, Mr. T knocked the entire mob unconscious. To this day, English people still have gnarly-ass teeth.
•If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.
•Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
•Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
•Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
•The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchphrase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
•Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.
•Small animals find Mr. T irresistible and can be found playing in his Mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."
•Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T wants.
•Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.
•Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
•When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.
•Mr. T can count past infinity
•When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.
•Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.
•Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
•Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
•Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
•Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.
•Mr. T does not grow a Mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair trying to give you the finger.
•World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
•If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.
